Achieving happiness is often simpler than we imagine; however, we frequently overcomplicate the process. Factors such as the ego, upbringing, unmet childhood needs, and societal expectations all shape our desires and actions. Few of us grew up in an ideal environment where we were afforded unlimited patience and support, and these early experiences inevitably influence our current behavior. Nevertheless, it is essential to strive for a peaceful mindset to secure a better future. To that end, here are some fundamental principles for finding happiness.
Leave the past in the past
In many respects, our own minds serve as the primary barrier to experiencing the richness of the present. Our personal histories, past interactions, and traumas exert a profound influence on our current emotions and aspirations. While it is easy to descend into a cycle of rumination over past hardships, we can consciously employ strategies to leave the past behind. By training our brains to remain grounded in the ‘now,’ we cultivate the space necessary for happiness to naturally emerge.
Viewing rumination as a collection of signals rather than burdens allows us to transform the weight of the past into a catalyst for growth. When we stop resisting our memories and instead revisit them with the intent to extract wisdom, we provide the mind with the “missing data” it needs to finally close those repetitive mental loops. This shift moves us away from the paralysis of fault and toward the empowerment of responsibility; while we may not have chosen our past circumstances, we possess the agency to choose our response today. By adopting this lens, regret evolves into a form of gratitude, as we begin to see our most difficult moments as “hidden blessings” or protective redirections that likely spared us from even greater misfortunes further down the road.
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a highly effective, evidence-based therapy developed to treat Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). As a scientifically validated method, it enables individuals to heal from emotional wounds by systematically processing traumatic memories. To understand the mechanics of this procedure and its clinical benefits, click here.
“Let go of what was and make the best of what is.”
If you are struggling with the weight of past mistakes, this guided meditation is designed to help you process those experiences in a healthy way. This practice provides a structured path to release lingering regret, encouraging a transition toward self-forgiveness and mental clarity.
What others think of you is none of your business
We are social creatures, and being an accepted member of a group is important for our emotional wellbeing. Nothing is more normal than our desire to be approved, accepted, recognized in the society that we live in. However, this perception needs a balance. It would not be healthy to live our lives or estimate our worth from the values of others.
We all live our lives from our interpretations of our experiences. For instance, a dog, when you were a toddler, if you were bitten by a dog, it would mean something negative to you while someone else might always have positive experiences with a dog. So every action, might have a different meaning for every person depending on their experiences with it.
Everyone might have a different opinion about us, our actions. They may not disapprove us time to time and it is ok. You are you and they are they. The healthiest is mentally to distinguish yourself from the others. Live your life according to yourself.
Time heals almost everything
When something tragic happens, you feel like the pain is permanent. You may want to scream or deny, but the reality is inevitable. That shall pass. Time heals almost everything. Patience is the key to everything. Grieving has certain stages that are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Surrender to the pain. Try to accept it the way it is. Life is four seasons, and those times actually help you to acknowledge what you really value. The worst thing in your life might be the best treasure that you have.
Don’t judge or compare yourself to others
You are, you are, and your past story made you a unique person. Sometimes you experience nice things and other times unpleasant things, and in the end, it makes us who we are. Believe me, you would be bored if it all went great. Don’t judge yourself to others. They all did their best given the circumstances, as much as you did. Sometimes we judge based on automatic reactions. In this case, mindfulness is a great strategy to purify your brain from judgements.
Negative judgements are something that would reduce your energy. While criticizing the other person, you would continuously wander your brain toward the negative. So negativity either directed to you or the other is no good for you in the end. Instead of judging, try to understand that person. Everyone has a reason to act in a certain way, even people who did extremely unpleasant things. It would make you a wiser person to understand the other instead of wandering into negative opinions.
Memories occupy your moments, stop thinking too much
How often do you find yourself drifting into the past? Whether these memories are positive or negative, it is essential to recognize when they begin to drain the present moment. Rather than engaging in fulfilling activities today, you may be depleting your energy on memories that pull you into a downward mental spiral. What has passed is immutable—it is a fixed reality that no one can alter. Your power lies in the ability to learn from those experiences, leave them behind, and focus on the future. Remember, no one leads a perfect life; everyone carries regrets or has endured hardships. The difference lies in the decision to move forward.
Whenever an unpleasant memory surfaces, pause and ask yourself: ‘What valuable part of my current life am I sacrificing to make room for this memory? What is this thought actively taking away from my happiness?’ By identifying the trade-off, you can consciously choose to reclaim your mental space for the present moment.
No one is responsible for your emotions but you
Ultimately, you are the sole architect of your emotional state; by the same token, you are not responsible for the emotional burdens of others. Blaming someone else for your unhappiness is an exercise in futility, as they may never truly understand or acknowledge the impact of their actions. By taking full ownership of your internal world, you reclaim the power to transform it, rather than remaining a passenger to your own pain.
Consider your emotions as if they were your shoes. If someone damages them, would you attempt to rectify the situation by ruining another person’s shoes in return? Of course not—that strategy does nothing to fix your own problem. Your shoes are not automatically mended just because you have caused harm to someone else’s. To continue your journey, you must focus on the repairs you need. Rather than dwelling on the unpleasant actions of others, the wisest path is to redirect your energy toward your own healing and happiness.
Build the habit of focusing on the positive
We are essentially faced with two choices: we can focus on the negative and render our lives miserable, or we can focus on the positive and cherish the limited time we have on earth. While the choice seems simple, we often find ourselves drifting down the undesirable path. Why? The reasons are complex. Our brains are often wired for drama, negativity can become an addictive cycle, and many of us struggle with a subconscious tendency toward self-sabotage.
Positivity is a muscle that strengthens only through consistent practice. Maintaining a gratitude journal is one of the most effective methods to retrain your brain for positive thinking. By documenting what you are thankful for, you systematically pave a path toward lasting happiness. To learn more about the science behind this practice and how to start your own, click here.
As a conclusion
Cultivating happiness is a deliberate act, especially since our brains are biologically wired to prioritize the negative. This ‘negativity bias’ is a survival mechanism designed to keep us alert to potential threats; however, in a state of peace, this same instinct can make the mind its own worst enemy. Happiness is not a static trait, but a skill that can be refined through consistent practice. By consciously choosing to train your brain, you can shift your focus from survival to fulfillment.
