Do we have a free will? I would start to question the discussion from there. Do we act based on our decisions, or are there other factors that contribute to our behaviors? Codependency is an important component that would influence the quality of lives. When you are making a decision, do you make it because of your own free will, or is it because you want to please somebody else?
Codependency is a recently explained notion in mental health that is defined as “relationship addiction.” Codependent people are unable to make decisions on their own, and they are extremely dependent on other people. Some examples are when they are doing the work, they need a lot of other people’s approval for instance, delivering the work. There could be various types of relationships that influence this. Click to learn more about codependency.
Case: Ashley and Jacob have been dating for two years. Ashley has issues with communicating with Jacob and always prioritizes her needs over her own, even when it negatively affects her. Jacob struggles with anxiety and relies on Ashley.
Ashley, wanting to feel needed and afraid of upsetting Jake, avoids setting boundaries. She cancels plans with friends, skips self-care routines, and even ignores her own feelings to keep Jacob happy. Meanwhile, Jacob becomes increasingly dependent on Ashley, feeling unable to manage his emotions without her reassurance.
Jacob even consults Ashley for small things such as what to wear, what to eat, and what drink to order. Ashley has an extremely manipulative nature, and she uses this situation for her own advantage when it comes to physical things. Jacob on the other hand likes being the boss when it comes to managing life plans.
According to the literature, codependent people have issues with:
- Self-sacrifice
- Tendency to focus on other people
- Difficulty recognizing and expressing emotions
- Lack of trust in self and others
- Sense of guilt related to asserting own needs
- Feeling hurt when efforts are not recognized
- Need to control environment and other people’s behavior
- Chronic anger
- Difficult to adjust to change
- Difficulty making decisions
These people have:
- Issues with avoiding conflict
- Excessive concern about one’s habits
- Overwhelming fear of rejection
“Codependency looks slightly different with each person, but some global examples include feeling as though we cannot be alone, feeling anxious if certain people are doing things independent of us, and having a reoccurring fear of missing out on activities.” – Talkspace therapist Meaghan Rice, PsyD, LPC”
The core cause of codependency:
A core cause of codependency is overprotective parents, childhood trauma and mental health conditions.
Children with overprotective parents may never learn to act based on themselves because their needs were probably taken care of a lot. So they develop dependency because that becomes their own comfort zone.
Childhood trauma: There could be multiple issues from childhood that lead to childhood trauma. This could be emotional neglect, inconsistent care, parentification and fear of abandonment. A set of health issues would arise from these distorted relationships, which makes the person prone to being dependent on another person.
Mental health conditions: There could be some underlying mental conditions for the reason of codependency that are chronic worry, anxiety, depression, narcistic borderline personality disorder, trauma and addiction issues. All this would lead to some health issues in the future.
How codependency influence life events :
Codependency could influence life events enormously. You can become aware of it, attract narcistic people and have difficulty setting boundaries. When you attract narcistic people to your life, it can influence the quality of your life. Therefore, it is important to acknowledge it and take steps that would help to identify negative thought patterns and replace it with positive ones. It is important to practice self-compassion, be assertive, and understand the difficulty in setting boundaries. This can lead to emotional exhaustion, resentment that impact family relationships and romantic partners.
Codependency could also influence your life at work. You would struggle with saying no, your actions could lead to burnout. Fear of conflict of change could influence your life due to fear, disappointment and lack of self-worth. Because you would have fear of conflict of change, you might stay in unfulfilling jobs, due to disappointment or self-worth. You might have issues with low self-esteem, fear of failure and rejection. You might struggle with letting go and unconsciously pass the traits to your parents.
Treatment of codependency:
- Becoming aware of the codependency is the first step
- Identify negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones
- Practice self-care and compassion
- Be assertive
- Find ways to use personal strengths
- Cognitive group therapy, family therapy and CBT are all effective to treat codependency.
- It’s complicated is a great platform to match with a therapist and improve self-discovery and interpersonal relationships
Recovery for Ashley and Jacob: Ashley and Jacob went to a couple therapist, and together they understood the dysfunctional behavioral patterns that they perform to each other. They practiced being different. Ashley, on the one hand, realized how she is dependent on Jacob and needs to act on her own, while Jacob realized his own codependent behaviors. The therapist advised them to remind each other when they perform such behaviors. They also used a lot of reflection and journaling to tell each other about their own journey. They also found a workbook on Amazon regarding co-dependency. The quality of life increased enormously for both Ashley and Jacob.
In conclusion, codependency is a very complex and deeply ingrained behavioral pattern that can affect relationships, self-esteem and overall wellbeing. The first step toward signs of codependency is breaking the cycle and fostering healthier and more balanced connections. Boundaries, self-awareness and prioritizing personal growth can help to cultivate relationships and lead to mutual respect and dependence.
It will take some time to heal from codependency; however, self-reflection, therapy and support could help to develop a strong sense of self and healthier emotional connections. To embrace self-care and foster independence, the individuals can build fulfilling relationships that are rooted in love, respect and authenticity.
